Bilba

Today I woke up with pleasant memories of my brothers.
Alhumdulilah! they are such a blessing! I love them with every ounce of my being. They are my strength.

I pray they get all the happiness in the world. This ramadan, I pray that Allah swt make their paths easy. May Allah guide them always. May their lives be full of health, joy, love and happiness.

I pray they eventually end up with the most beautiful spouses that will cherish and respect them.

They have the kindest and softest hearts.

One of them in particular blows me away every day with his compassion and love.

The middle one, I always say he's my favourite. Always there for me.
I remember when he was a baby, he had the softest, chubbiest hands. He had the cutest hands, and still tilll this day, his hands are super cute! I remember looking for that same chubbiness in my youngest brother and sister. But NO ONE has ever had hands like his. <3

When he was little, he couldnt say my name. So he would go around calling me "Bilba". hahahah
He called me Bilba for the longest time. And I liked it! then suddenly he called me by my name. After that he has never called me Bilba. Although I wish he still called me Bilba.

Love him. <3

Reviving thoughts of Hajj

I really wish I wrote down my Hajj experience in detail as soon as i came back. It really was an experience that i can cherish all my life. Gradually, I will try to remember as much as i can and document it on this blog.

Lets start with how I actually got to Saudi Arabia. You know, I really couldnt allow myself to absorb in the thought that I will really be fulfilling my dream of performing Hajj until I actually got there.

Alhumdulilah, after alot of bickering and tears Allah made it happen. I am so grateful that i was given this opportunity at such a young age, despite of all the obstacles in my way.

More on that later. Its better to forget about it anyways.

I would rather focus on the actual Hajj experience.

I remember packing for this journey. I packed some oranges, pomegrante, cookies, twisto's, and some chips and granola bars. All set to go with clothing and my list of dua's

We were supposed to depart at around 10pm to midnight. We ended up leaving really really late. I think like 6am. We were to perform our first umrah and then go to Mina. However, because we were really late, we got to Mina around zuhr time. my husband quickly prayed zuhr and i waited until we got to Makkah.

we took a bus to makkah and paired with a couple we decided to meet at the end. once the umrah was done, we got a taxi to go back, on our way back we saw the couple and got them to sit in our taxi. on our way to our tents, we got lost. the driver dropped us off in some random place. at some intersection i believe. instead of going to the right tunnel we went into the left one. walked for about 6-8 hours went all the way to arafath. had milk and bananas on the way. went through all the tents. finally some kind soul directed us. hubz of frustrated. it was a real test of our patience. surprisingly enough, there was this energy and patience in me that even i couldnt believe myself. got to mina- drugged up on panadol and passed out.

next day we went to arafat. another long walk. the bus dropped us off at some entrance. we walked for about 2km. or so. had water on the way and fruit.after walking through tents we finally got to the room built away from the arafath mountain. we could see it however.
made lots of prayers. cried my heart out.

comign back from aarafath was a whole diff story.
tired now. will continue later

Few thoughts about blogging

Every once in a while, I get this urge to just drop everything and BLOG. Then, I think again. I change my mind. No. Its not safe. What if someone I know reads it?
Whats my next option? Write a diary? Nope. That wont work either. What if I die in my sleep? I dont want my personal thoughts, feelings, opinions floating around. Not that I want to write about something super private or embarassing. Just you know write a few words about what happened during the day. Just need an outlet to vent.
It's weird. I dont have any friends anymore. Life changes when you get married. You leave people. People leave you. But then again, I chose this. I chose to stay away from friends. I have different priorities now. Priorities that only I can understand. Inspite of all this, I still find myself in need of a friend. Someone I can just call up and go on and on to.
Ive been feeling a bit blue lately. Thats not to say Im not grateful. Im happy. Just a little lonely. I guess its normal. Thats life right?
Ill try to blog again later. it feels good.